Is that even a word?!?
Being raised in a Christian home and taught the Bible from childhood, has given me such an appreciation for the Bible and why community is so important to us as humans. Now that I'm older, I've found that questioning some of these early beliefs has been so helpful in understanding my faith. This questioning has led me to deconstruct so much of my belief system. In doing so, I found some parts stayed and some I needed to let go of.
You see I've found that many of the things that the church holds dear and true aren't actually found in the Bible. In fact some of what I believed wasn't just weak religion, it was even cultish. You see every denomination or religion thinks its the right one and no one else does it like them. In most churches, you will always find people that think their church is the best one on the planet and if you haven't started going there then it's just a matter of time... This, at times, has led into such manipulation and spiritual abuse where we have used everything possible to make a person believe what we do and wrap it up in the package that says 'I love you too much for you not to believe this'.
Stepping out of these environments and understanding what love actually is was the single most transforming thing I could have possibly done. It allowed me to see people through a lens that was not a religion or a set of moral principles. It allowed me to simply love, without any strings attached. The byproduct of this was that it allowed me to love myself infinitely better than I had, and also for me to connect with God like I had never done before.
So a deconstruction started for me 14 years ago and it is still a work in progress. There are still parts of my life where I find myself slipping back into behaviours and beliefs of the past. But now, when I see myself doing this, I'm no longer chastising myself for sin and seeking some kind of religious repentance. I'm now learning to unpack why I did that and allow the ones who love me into a conversation that helps me to again see who I am. This is having grace for myself and living in the grace of the community that has been drawn to me.
Whatever you want to call it, deconstructing my faith has given me such a passion for my faith that is now grounded in God's love and not religion's laws.